Dear Michael...


Michael Jackson: My first love, my hero, the greatest entertainer of our time, Humanitarian, the King of Pop, Son, Brother, Father, and Friend. Rest in peace.

It has taken me two months to put some words together about Michael Jackson. Since his passing, I’ve cried and played ALL his music. I just wanted to hold onto the good times a little while longer.

On Thursday, June 25, 2009, I checked CNN as I always do and splashed across their home page were the words “Michael Jackson rushed to hospital. Suffered cardiac arrest.” My heart began to race, my hands became cold, and my nerves were officially on edge.

Luckily, I have a Blackberry so I can stay informed while on the go. Twitter was abuzz with varying messages; pedestrians were passing by texting and talking on their cell phones. I refused to believe anything unless it came from CNN or another reputable news source.

I was walking towards my apartment building, when I received a CNN text confirming what I did not want to believe; Michael Jackson has died. At that moment I could no longer hear anything, all the activity around me seemed to pause. I was in a state of complete shock and as I walked those last few feet to my building, I began to cry. Once inside my apartment, I collapsed on the sofa and cried my heart out. Yes. It was that serious for me.

Ever since I can remember, Michael Jackson has been in my life. My mother took me to see “The Wiz” when I was four-years old. The moment the Scarecrow appeared on the screen, I remember thinking “he’s cute” and I was mad the crows were teasing him. I was completely blown away when he sang “You Can’t Win”. There was just something about that Scarecrow.

Songs from Off The Wall were in heavy rotation when I was in kindergarten. I remember the deejay saying Michael Jackson’s name after certain songs so I committed his name to memory.
After seeing him on the cover of a Jet magazine, I was in love. When Thriller came out – I was an older and wiser nine-year-old girl who decided the year before that I wanted to be Michael Jackson's wife when I grew up.

I was beyond OBSESSED with all things Michael. At night I prayed, “Please God, when I grow up I just want to marry Michael Jackson.” In my mind, he was everything and we were getting married. His pictures covered my walls. My bedroom was a Michael Jackson shrine. I made scrapbooks dedicated to him, wrote him a ton of letters, and joined his fan club. If there was a contest to meet him or win concert tickets, I entered and enlisted the parentals to enter also. Looking back I know I drove my parents crazy but I was a little girl with a hardcore crush and I meant business.

His music was all I wanted to hear. My paltry allowance went towards the purchase of buttons, magazines, bags, and books. There wasn’t enough paraphernalia I could get my little hands on. Our fifteen-year age difference did not matter to me at all, had he knocked on my door, I would have grabbed my Cabbage Patch doll and followed him anywhere, lol. I knew every song on Thriller word for word. I had no clue what Human Nature was but I figured it involved being able to stay up late and be outside with Michael so I wanted to sign up!

Michael Jackson provided the soundtrack to my life. His videos were way ahead of the times we were living in during the 1980s. In one day, I watched the “Beat It” video ten times. I never missed any of his television performances. When he moonwalked for the first time during Motown's 25th Anniversary, I screamed and jumped up and down as if I was front row center.

The same reaction fans had seeing him in person were just the same I had watching him on television. I still get chills watching old footage of him. My devotion to him never wavered.

Regardless of all the crazy rumors, tabloid fodder, and absurd accusations, I loved Michael Jackson. He was an artist, a genius, and someone almost unreal. My one regret is that I never saw him in concert and I’ll never have a chance to. Michael Jackson was the end all be all for me - he had the looks, the voice, the moves, and a style all his own. Say what you want, he was very much a trendsetter.

Michael Jackson believed he was born to share his musical gift with the world. He achieved that and so much more. His music lifted my spirits and brought comfort to me when I was a little girl who didn't understand some of the things going on around her. So I'll try not to cry over the loss of such an amazing talent anymore but instead I will celebrate his life and legacy.

Rest in peace, Michael, you were the best that ever did it.


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